lunes, agosto 18, 2014


A premonition... a story I wrote. A sort of confession of dark perversions. Are they? I mean... perversions. Its psychic character seem to have pushed me to categorize those fantasies as 'perverse'. Are they perverse I ask.
They're maladaptive. Certainly. This two months in which that sort of 'premonition' unfolded, severely impacted on my life. By the premonition I'm referring my article On PsychoSado, July 22, 2014.
As a sort of anticipation of events to come, my relation with a person, became in a certain degree, a correlate of that post I'm referring. I posted this more than a month BEFORE this events getting to conclusion, with hxx leaving me alone, in a mutually concerted date, date which I felt had for purpose, the REJOINING OF US, in any possible sense... be it, to end up in a Hotel... or be it to crash the night as a couple of drunk Friends rocking and dancing as possessed ones... Xhe left me alone... Left the place with a guy... A guy for whom she abandoned me at the beginning of the night... they went to hxr own place... somewhere xhe never allowed me to get near to. At the other side of Capital Federal.

All this seems, not that barely, reminiscent of some of the narrations depicted in On PsychoSado. Distance. Exposition to jealousy. Estrangement. ...and the pervasive characteristic of a very fragmentary 'keeping in contact', to which I have contributed the most after hxx detachment from me.
Before that surreal saturday(... of hell), an insinuation of me missing hxx, and a longing for more Manuel seemed to prompt hxx to propose me to assist to an event. That seems to be the last connection with hxx in which initiative was on hxx side. Xhe could've just ignored me. Xhe didn't. I can't stop thinking about the fact that two days later, she would be leaving for Cordoba. Convenience? It's certainly something I don't want to believe about hxx.

I would rather prefer to think that xhe read On PsychoSado. But What If... xhe hasn't read it? ... then... WHAT THE FUCK IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN THIS, SORT OF, PREMONITION?.
Is there any sense to it? Am I the perverse? Have I unconsciously done things in order to materialize this unfolding of events? Have I... 'catalyzed' any preexisting possible course of events? Is she a Perverse Narcissistic and I've unintentionally saw hxx on Hxx Essence. Am I Crazy?